Stop thinking, and end your problems.

Tao Te Ching

Is at a loss. Not a lack really, more a missing. Deterrent? Nah. Although I've always fancied the word "hindrance." "Proclivity" is also very nice.

Where do I belong? Does anyone belong anywhere? I've never had a "home." I need to find one. To buy land. To have a place that is finally mine no one can take away or move me out of. A place I can plant herbs, build a fence out of trees, house a happy family of bees, make things with my hands.

Where do I go from here? I have to go somewhere... I'm tired of standing still. Or waiting. I have a plan. But how do I set it in motion? And is it the really true super duper amazing life plan that I want? I think so... but how to be certain is beyond me. Can a person really live in the country and be paid to write articles traveling overseas? That is one of the things in my plan.

Back to work.



p.s. in an unrelated matter, I was just thinking that it is such a loss to not be together with George, he that studied the Tao Te Ching and appeared so wise, when I realized that 'wait a minute'--he didn't follow the Tao at all. It wasn't real. It was my own illusion making him into a beautiful philosopher. Which leads me to this:

WANTED: handsome philosopher teacher. Intimacy issues (and wandering hands--with others) need not apply. I'm terrific company, and can teach a thing or two myself.

How

is anyone expected to keep up with the universe? sheesh. Change is constant, man.

"no process of change is eternal: for the nature of all change is such that it proceeds from something to something, so that every process of change must be bounded by the contraries that mark its course, and no motion can go on to infinity”

(Aristotle, Physics 8:2)

Moving, moving on, and onward

After seeing G. 2 times within a day and a bit, and having to witness what I considered until 5 months ago the love of my life walk right by me both times without any hint of acknowledgment (cruel cruel punishment for what? I still don't know. I think he's just an empty soul), I must say I've finally made it to the top of the hump. Now I can look toward the mountains and lush lake and tree filled valleys I've been craving for so long through the difficult uncertainty of the past 4 years.

I did not call to wish him well today on his birthday, which was a hard thing to not do. Instead, I wrote a list, an affirmation really, of my future plan as I see it today. It involves a woodsy cabin with a loft space for a bed and a writing nook, a garden for herbery, and a little studio to make pots (to make money, hopefully).

I.am.happy.

When free from distress, we should be on the alert for
what’s terrible,
and when life is going well, look especially
then to our lives,
that they haven’t been destroyed while we weren’t
looking.


Philoctetes by Sophocles
(Phillips 2003)

This quote does need to be in context, go out and read it!
Love the character of Philoctetes. What a great play.

Publish or... ?

"Spicer and Duncan were both people who stressed a lot that you shouldn't publish until you're ready and it was important not to publish a lot of junk."

Compliments of Jacket Magazine.