Tuesday, August 04, 2009


don't you love me.

I continue to be assaulted by dreams of you. Last night I was awoken three times to disturbing dreams of you loving other women, and flaunting it in front of me.

The very fact that you said you wanted to be in my skin at times to be closer to me, and that you continued to show your love and passion for me, staring more deeply into my eyes... only to walk away as if we'd only been together for a month or two... breaks my heart. How could you pull away and at once draw nearer? This is certainly evidence of your inability to commit to anyone, let alone one you love. For I know you love me. But you are afraid of so much, afraid of intimacy and true affection, longevity and pure love... and you have decided to hide. Hide for several weeks, hide in Florida, moving apartments... to break all ties with me is so painful. What have I done to deserve this? Why don't you love me?

I need to sleep, and I can't get you out of my head. I have been left, completely. Alone. I fill my days and do the best I can, but grieve you all the time. My life was so intertwined with yours. And you've just---left. Gone. As far away from me as you can get. Like I did something terrible to you.

Or like I meant nothing to you. The worst of all things. I feel as though I've been having a three year relationship with another person, who is now dead. Who are you?


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