Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Betty Page reading.

Just saw the Betty Page movie. Despite feeling somewhat creepy everytime I heard the name Betty (an aunt's name I have), the film was a nice trip to nostalgic 70's New Brunswick (of all things!), which has always run a little 20 years behind. It was a sweet movie, actually. Gretchen Mol stayed true to character, which I was happy to see, as it could have turned so the other way. And in the end, I liked her. She was portrayed a nice girl who just got into some things she wasn't so aware of. It happens to us naive girls. In fact, I had to learn about sex from a book. When I was 11. From a girlfriend who laughed at my not knowing what a penis was. And what it did. Hoo-boy. What odd and ugly things they looked like to an innocent, bashful girl! And I remembered something tonight. You should always stay true to who you are. I forget that everyday. A friend once told me, simply, to trust myself. I scribbled it down and posted it atop my computer to remind me. I forget the simplest things. And they are the best.

So I wrote down a memory I'm not sure I had. But it seems real:

they unwrap
in the front seats
small movements of
tearing, rubbing
against their backs
on purple
a little way to go before
my head is bent into
this coat
one side of the face
pressed into the jacket
the light is off me now,
I have waited my whole life
for this moment
to be in the dark
against this cold plastic.
a radio song,
its slow rhythm.
the zipper warm,
into my cheek.


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