Monday, April 12, 2010

Feeling like a fraud in grad school.

Something Nietzsche writes about those who learn on their own or are receptive to pursuing and have the ability to translate read knowledge into unique theories (not unlike an alchemical process) vs. those who simply need to be taught by others in order to achieve a sense of knowledge... perhaps achieve a small "e" enlightenment.

I believe I am sadly of the second type. Slave to the slave mentality: a seriously depressing realization. That I need to be told something--grounded in a way--in order for my creativity and logic to kick in. That I can't parse Plato or such entirely on my own without seeing what everyone else sees. (when I do read the dialogues, I see things not quite as they should be)

I am a fraud to the academic system. I don't think like everyone else. It's a serious failure. I would trade sacred and dear things to me to be able to see clearly, contemplate without interference of emotional quotients... I am far too sensitive to the lights of metaphor, spatiality, romance. Temporal flux.

I cannot figure how to resolve this. It's as if I have no longer any mind to position clearly. Any true sense. Lost in words. A jungle of misinterpretations.

Sink or swim... I know these are not the only options. Silly world.


Post a Comment

<< Home

unique visitor counter